Caveman Software – Helliday Shopping

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I was thinking the other day about the typical responses people make to circumstances as they happen and I realised that we (humans that is) are still programmed on Caveman Software.  To illustrate:

Q.  Why are we fatter than ever before (in the western developed countries at least anyway)?

A. Caveman Software, we eat too much and don’t do enough, our bodies are tuned to fat, it stores it, if we starve ourselves it stores it even more and then it makes us think it tastes nice.  Our lives are sedentary not like when we were cavemen, hunting, gathering and running away from things that might eat us!

Q. Why do men show-off when a pretty women is in the room (this probably doesn’t happen if they are married and their wife is present, but not always, see the divorce rates in the West)?

A. Caveman Software, men are trying (and yes ladies in some cases it really is subconscious, they can’t help themselves) to attract a mate, essential when you wanted to make babies & there was a shortage of appropriate mates, but not so much these days perhaps.

Q. Why are women such good home makers (I know men do home making as well but my wife does it better than me, and you’ll never know what it takes to admit I’m not the best at absolutely everything)?

A. Caveman Software, women would stay at home and rear the children, cook and generally look after the weaker members of the community.  There were no machines around to help.

So you see we remain on Caveman Software, an upgrade is needed, soon, quick, now!

Looking to the future is one gonna happen any time soon? I don’t think so actually.  But does that prevent us from moderating our behaviour? Well, no actually.  We could, because we are intelligent enough (yes that’s right I mean YOU!), we could think a bit more, not much but yes a bit more.  Take that time, the time you would normally be humming that tuneless tune, the annoying one, the one that just wont get out of your head to stop, think and then act.  You are not a bull, but you are in a china shop so to speak.  If you think like that you’ll notice the improvement soon, I promise.

Right, so you’re now thinking, it doesn’t hurt does it? No I didn’t think so. Now you have to shop for those festive essentials, presents (be generous) without the need to be violent, verbally is bad, physically is really bad and physically with verbal violence, that’s the worst (might even get you locked-up).  Remember, Christmas is a time of giving and it’s just around the corner, next month actually, about 4 weeks.

Car Parks, don’t stop and wait for the woman to put the car seat in, then strap her child in, then put the shopping in the car, then get herself in and eventually move off.  You do this and the queue of really angry drivers behind you will bring the car park to a chaotic standstill.  Instead move on, find another space, be calm, don’t let the red mist descend.  Find a space, pay the fee (I know it will be far more than it was last week, but hey its still gonna be less than next week so who’s the winner?) park and shop.

My advice is go early, really early, the earlier the better.  Go on a Sunday as well.  Go before the churches empty, before the rest of them are out of bed after the Saturday night blow-out and shop fast.  No stopping, no hesitation, be generous.

At last it’ll be over, done for another year.

Give your presents with grace and kindness.  I know you paid more than you would have liked, but you will forget that bit (that’s Caveman Software kicking in again, so ignore those feelings anyway).  Enjoy the day, once a year aint gonna kill you.

Remember Caveman Software got us to where we are today, so it aint all bad.  You just gotta learn how to operate the functions to get the best out of it.  As soon as an upgrade becomes available, get your hands on it, you need it.


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